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Route 10

Turning Toward

15-minute bids-for-connection practice map

You’re reading this on your own. Nothing here needs a partner, a room, or an account. Take your time. When it feels right, you can do it together live.

Practice noticing bids for connection and responding to both the words and the subtext.

Best for

Small bids for connection are being missed.

Skip it when

You are using bids as hidden demands.

What it looks like

The fifteen minutes, step by step

One person speaks, the other listens. You swap as the route guides you.

00:00-02:00

Whoever’s speaking: Write three recent bids you made, missed, or noticed.

Whoever’s listening: Write three recent bids you made, missed, or noticed.

You’ll know the step landed when: Bid inventory created.

02:00-04:00

Whoever’s speaking: Make a low-stakes bid now: attention, humor, touch request, help, or comment.

Whoever’s listening: Turn toward: acknowledge the bid and respond to the subtext.

You’ll know the step landed when: Live bid 1 completed.

04:00-05:00

Whoever’s speaking: Say what felt like turning toward.

Whoever’s listening: Listen and note the cue.

You’ll know the step landed when: Feedback captured.

05:00-07:00

Whoever’s speaking: Turn toward partner's low-stakes bid.

Whoever’s listening: Make a low-stakes bid now.

You’ll know the step landed when: Live bid 2 completed.

07:00-08:00

Whoever’s speaking: Listen to feedback.

Whoever’s listening: Say what felt like turning toward.

You’ll know the step landed when: Feedback captured.

08:00-11:00

Whoever’s speaking: Share one recent missed bid without blame: 'When I said/did ____, I was hoping for ____.'

Whoever’s listening: Reflect the bid and offer a repair response.

You’ll know the step landed when: Missed bid repaired.

11:00-13:00

Whoever’s speaking: Switch and repair one recent missed bid.

Whoever’s listening: Share one missed bid without blame.

You’ll know the step landed when: Second repair completed.

13:00-15:00

Whoever’s speaking: Each names three bids to watch for in the next 24 hours.

Whoever’s listening: Each names three bids to watch for in the next 24 hours.

You’ll know the step landed when: Future attention plan set.

Exact words you can borrow (6)

Naming a bid
“I am making a bid for attention right now.”

Turning toward
“I see you. Tell me more.”

Affection bid
“I would like a hug. Is now okay?”

Repair missed bid
“I missed that bid. I want to turn toward it now.”

Subtext reflection
“The text was ____, and the subtext sounds like you wanted connection.”

24-hour plan
“Tomorrow I will watch for bids around ____, ____, and ____.”

Fill-in-the-blank sentences (1)

Missed-bid repair builder: When I said/did ____, I was hoping for ____.

You’ll know you did it when…
  • Each partner identified recent bids.
  • Each partner made one live low-stakes bid.
  • Each partner practiced turning toward.
  • Each partner repaired one missed bid or named one bid to repair later.
  • Three future bid categories were named for the next 24 hours.
Sourced: S10

Practice, not therapy. See Privacy and Sources.

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