Route 8
15-minute compressed State of the Union map
A recurring maintenance meeting: appreciations first, what went right, one issue, attunement, one loving request.
Best for
You need a weekly relationship maintenance meeting.
Skip it when
You are trying to ambush with a long complaint list.
One person speaks, the other listens. You swap as the route guides you.
00:00-03:00
Whoever’s speaking: Give five brief appreciations if possible. Name the trait behind each one.
Whoever’s listening: Give five brief appreciations if possible. Name the trait behind each one.
You’ll know the step landed when: Positive start completed.
03:00-05:00
Whoever’s speaking: Name one thing that went right in the relationship this week.
Whoever’s listening: Name one thing that went right.
You’ll know the step landed when: Motivation and teamwork named.
05:00-06:00
Whoever’s speaking: Select one issue or regrettable incident for this 15-minute version.
Whoever’s listening: Agree to one issue and park the rest.
You’ll know the step landed when: Single topic selected.
06:00-08:30
Whoever’s speaking: Speaker: use 'I feel... about... I need...'
Whoever’s listening: Listener: listen non-defensively and write keywords.
You’ll know the step landed when: Soft start-up delivered.
08:30-10:30
Whoever’s speaking: Correct the reflection if needed.
Whoever’s listening: Reflect and ask: 'Did I get it right?' Validate one feeling.
You’ll know the step landed when: Understanding gate.
10:30-12:30
Whoever’s speaking: Switch briefly or, if one issue needs more care, ask one clarifying question and do not solve yet.
Whoever’s listening: Switch briefly or continue listener role by clarifying.
You’ll know the step landed when: Mutual attunement.
12:30-14:00
Whoever’s speaking: Answer: 'What can you do next week to help me feel more loved?'
Whoever’s listening: Answer the same question.
You’ll know the step landed when: One loving request each.
14:00-15:00
Whoever’s speaking: Confirm one small action and next check-in date.
Whoever’s listening: Confirm one small action and next check-in date.
You’ll know the step landed when: Follow-through set.
Appreciation
“I appreciated when you ____. That showed me you are ____.”
What went right
“One thing we handled well this week was ____.”
Issue start
“I feel ____ about ____ and I need ____.”
Listener reflection
“You feel ____ about ____ and need ____. Did I get it right?”
Loved next week
“One thing that would help me feel loved next week is ____.”
Parking lot
“That matters. It will not fit today. Let's park it for ____.”
Appreciation builder: I appreciated when you ____. That showed me you are ____.
Loved-next-week builder: One thing that would help me feel loved next week is ____.